some thoughts on marriage

I have been married for 12 years.

I truly believe that it is the people that make the marriage. Its the individuals that make a good relationship or a bad relationship… realistically the marriage is just a legal document and the ceremony turns into a memory. Another thing is you really can’t believe what you think you see because you just never know what is going on behind closed doors. Sometimes it looks bad, but its two people who are truly, madly deeply in passionate love and other times it looks good but its rotten to the core. My wife and I have out lasted most of our friends and have become freaks among a generation of divorce. I’m definitely not bragging…

And I would NOT say its been easy. It has been one of the hardest thing I have ever done in my life… and I had a pretty rough childhood. If I told you the shit that has happened you’d be riveted to my words. It would read like a pornographic Tyler Perry story (the ones without Madea). I’d be lying if I said its all good. After about 5 years some things get old.. REALLY old. Some things become so comfortable you can’t even imagine ever having been without it.

If nothing else, when you give everything, when you put it all on the line, all of your fears, all of your vulnerability, all of your pain on display for your mate and when they can face that VERY human element when the glowing teenage infatuation is gone and still love what is left, then you’ve found a pretty special person because not many people are up to that task. Even less are ready for the truth; in fact, they avoid it like the plague.

When you really open up and really learn to trust, it is like a roller coaster ride, its scary, and exciting and passionate. It scary because there it a real fear of being hurt, tossed out and dashed on the rocks, betrayed and killed. After a while it can make you sick. When its all over you can walk away a whole lot wiser, but only if you were true to yourself. And that is what I’ve learned about life, love and marriage.

“Above all else, to thine oneself be true” — Shakespeare