Confessions of a Corporate Meditator: Toilet Kundalini?

The toilet is where I do my best work. It is a refuge from the Dilbertesque cubicle enslavement of my corporate life. That beautiful stall housing a cool white comode.

I polish the remnants of other people’s business off the seat. Usually its just splash back from the industrial strength SUCK/FLUSH of the toilet, sometimes it is piss and brown stuff… not very appetizing but a tasty refuge never the less.

Somehow the vibrational runoff of a thousand million shits does not bother me. I just don’t think about it unless the smoke from a previous occupant forces me to.

Once I’m comfortable and have done my business, I take a few minutes to meditate. Usually, I clear my mind completely by focusing on my breathing or that defening white noise the brain makes (what is that called).

Last week while performing my 10% total attention experiment on my toilet escape, I had a warm vibrant red/orange energy moving up my spine. It felt so damn good. Like my first erection, only on my whole body. Then I had a sudden impression of “blessing correction”. You see, I normally try to give blessing to everyone I see at work in the form of “God, bless you.” But a question popped in my mind, “Who is this ‘god’ who is blessing? Is it a pagan, symbolic image in your head that you worship? Why bless by proxy? Bless directly from the heart. From the heart of the God within. That is the most honest and loving blessing you can give.”

I imediately wiped my ass and stopped the meditation. There were two reasons for the abrupt stop in meditation:

1) The warmth “bodily erection” (kundalini?) felt over poweringly good. It was as if I was masterbating (something I won’t do at work on a toilet. Just my personal preference not to do it). The feeling was OVERPOWERING and moving toward something that would most definitely go to an uncontrolable orgasm. Suddenly the sacntity of the bathroom was violiated by two men barging in and pissing all over the beautiful porcelain mouths on the wall.

2) I was intimidated by the thought and the power of me giving blessings. Isn’t that sacrilegious? I thought. But how can expressing the ultimate part of me in form of thoughts/wishes and intent be bad?  How is giving a blessing from my heart of hearts any less good than simply hoping they have a nice day?